"X - 9 TO EINSTEIN"

you think i am a woman of the world
no different from the rest of the herd,

one of those many confident dames
playing their frank, and open games,

but look deep enough, to find
lurking, a shyness, undefined,

what you see as lack of response
even studied nonchalance,

isn't really what it seems to be
and i know its difficult to see,

what your nearness does to me,
especially when you n i turn we,

i am moved as much as you
the longing is in my heart too,

the sensation is so new
and minutes with us so few,

to satisfy passions like mine
will need more days than just nine!

not even a life-time, two or three
but time should stretch to eternity!

MIRAGE

are you really there
so close,
that i can reach out
and touch you,
or are you a myth
that'll disappear
like everything else,
leaving me
and my imagination
alone...
as always...

life is not a race

life’s not a race
to be won at any cost…
it’s not even a race
to be run at any cost…

life’s not a journey
to enjoy at any cost…
it’s not even a journey
to traverse at any cost…

cos races and journeys
need destinations…

but life has none…

life’s merely a path…
you need to
discover some,
create some…
re-invent some…

LOVE

how long will i fight myself
and deny myself
that precious something...
love
i think they call it?
but it matters not
what its called
as long as i feel it!

MYTHS AND MIRAGES

of all the days
did you have to choose
this moment
to turn
into a mirage?
this instant
as i ache
to be held
and comforted
and reassured ...
where do i reach you now
and how ?
should i ride on thought waves
or use telepathy perhaps ?
while i lay here awake
i wonder
who is in your arms tonight ?
but i suppose
i, should get,
accustomed to this too
not having you around in times of need
i mean
like everything else i'm used to :
pain
suffering
loneliness
life...

LOVE IS LIKE SUFFERING

i have often lain awake at night
seeking numbness -
a freedom from all feeling.
i feel pain
seeping through my veins,
and hurt,
that only knowing you,
(and loving you ...
and leaving you ...)
could have taught me.
i wallow in self-pity,
feel astonished
at my vulnerability.
and loneliness,
comes often
to remind me
of then.
yet,
you tell me i don't feel !
what, then, chokes me so
this vice-like grip,
leaving me gasping?
when you told me
love is like waiting,
why didn't you warn me,
that love,
is also like suffering...

ILLUSION

are you really there
so close
that i can reach out
and touch you?
or lean forward
and kiss you,
or are you an illusion
that i've conjured up
to blot out the truth,

of your absence...

LOVE’S LABOR

does love really exist,
or is it merely
the fantasy
of a dreamer?
a concept -
invented perhaps,
to keep the heart
busy!

CYNIC'S CHOICE

"all friendship is feigning,
all loving merely folly"
said someone
i'd labelled
a confirmed
cynic,

until you came into my life!

well, i take my words back,
as i hear a small voice
resounding, inside me -
"all friendship is feigning,
all loving merely folly"

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

thank you
for erasing,
all the pain
and hurt,
that i had chosen
to inflict
upon myself,
and the misery
that i was clutching on to,
in what vain hope
i do not understand myself.

thank you
for reminding me
that it need not
nay,
that it will not
happen again.

FROM A TEEN'S DESK

drained of all emotion
caught in a vacuum,
i lashed out...
at whom?
the retaliation,
I ask myself now.
down I fell
into an abysmal well,
of self-pity,
disillusionment.
but it was only
when i surfaced,
to meet challenges
half-way home,

that I emerged -
all animosity gone,
and well equipped
to go on, and on...

FLIGHTS OF FANTASY

sometimes
when the desire to be with you
turns into
an overpowering ache,
going deep
into the recesses of my heart,
squeezing it dry,
i wish,
i had wings
to make this communion,
real...

HOMO SAPIENS

I feel scared
as the desire to be with you
grows
into a near physical longing,
an ache that goes deeper
with each passing moment.
i wonder
if there ever will be
a respite
from this need invading my being?

or is it happening
merely,

to prove
to me,

that i am human too!

as incomplete as my life

ever since we met
its true, no sweat,

time ticks too fast
nothing seems to last...

COLD-BLOODED

you say i lack warmth -
a hardened soul,
who takes you for granted
and doesn't care enough.
you feel
i do not feel enough!
but don't you ever wonder -
that i manage to feel at all!

AN ODE TO YOU

you ruled over me once
was it only yesterday?
well, it seems so long ago
but you're back again you say?

now i've moved on with another
and have grown away from you,
yeah, your moods and whims and fancies
and unpredictability too;

i do miss you at times
tho' it ain't the same as then,
but i must thank you for teaching
me so much about you men!

A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE

when everything around me
ceases to exist
i find myself ensheathed
in some kind of mist,

when you fill up my being
everything else goes blank
you force me to respond
but i just can't be frank,

you touch me right there
making my heart race
you bring me to a state
i'm not confortable to face,

whenever we're together
i never want to leave
but i know that's a fact
which you find hard to believe,

when people fall in love
do they really fall
i find i'm only rising
and responding to your call!

LOVE IS...

when you gave that rose to me,
why didn't you warn me -
that it was riddled with thorns?
now i lay bruised.
each wound -
a painful reminder
of petals that could've been mine,
if...
was only i in the wrong?
i sought to learn from you
what love
and loving
were all about.
for i knew not what caring
or being cared for
was.
but thank you for the lesson:
no, i'll never accept roses
and i'll never love again.

ONE MORE TIME

you ask me
to love again...
but don't you know...
that flowers blossom but once
and one doesn't die again,
that feelings die but once
and one doesn't live again...

S.O.S.

through a single love
i lived a thousand lives
and through that same love
i'm dying a million deaths -
each more painful than the last.
you pushed me into a sea
of misery...
will someone please save me?
i cannot even swim...

SURVIVAL

whenever
i'm alone,
my thoughts,
invariably
veer towards you,
and i marvel
that i still exist.
but then,
existing
without you
is not the same
as living.
do you understand
the difference?

THANK YOU

thank you
for teaching me
that roses
can hurt
deeper than thorns,
that everything
is ephemeral... even eternity
can lose to time.
that feelings change,
and foundations can be shaken
by winds as soft as a whisper,
and all that is beautiful
can meet an ugly end.
thank you for awakening me
from my cozy world of dreams,
and saving what was left of me
that love could not destroy!

THOSE EYES

your eyes,
warm,
sincere,
intense,
mirroring the deepest thoughts,
melting me with their honesty,
disrobing my facades,
imploring me to surrender...
eloquent,
silently conveying
the desire
and the naked passion within,
whether questioning
or full of honest answers,
filled with tears
or unmitigated joy
always earnest
always imploring,
always waiting...

TORTURE

i will not live
in the shadows
of your indifference.
love me
or hate me,
bind me,
release me
or destroy me if you must
but don't make me die like this
slowly, in bits ...
it hurts
it really hurts.

OPERATION FLOOD

eyes brimming with tears

fill me with wonderment

that i still have some left...

for i thought i'd finished them all...

whenever we met last!

PRISONER

why is it

that i feel,

all knotted up inside,

and yet 

do not tell you,

to come,

and release me

from these shackles

of restlessness,

that have enveloped me

ever since

i've known you

but not 

belonged.

REINCARNATION

the hole in time 

has 

been 

sealed 

sooner than i thought.

i can breathe

and laugh

and hear the cuckoo sing,

i can see

the dew-drops

on the lips of spring,

i can even smell the fragrance

of early morning flowers!

i can sense

a feeling

ah! 

i can live again!

RESIDENT ALIEN

do you remember

the other day,

when we met,

and i said -

what a long life you have,

'cos i'd been thinking of you

just then?

well,

i was lying...

about thinking of you

just then...

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT MATE

you say all the right things,
you make all the right moves,
I cannot even fault
your impeccable behavior...

but let me also tell you...

I am absolutely bored.

THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS

to say that i love you
would hardly convey
what i feel for you 

i want us to be
so close
that not even a whisper
should pass between us


so what if miles
separate us, 

as long as,
we know...

that i am you
and you are me...

WITHOUT YOU

why this apathy
this
indifference

choking me
leaving
me
breathless

i sob
but there is no sound

i weep
but there are no tears

i feel
but there are no emotions -

only helplessness...

utter

helplessness...

WHY WOULD YOU RATHER CALL IT LOVE

when you reach across the room
with your tender, love-filled eyes,
don't i only respond to you,
and none of the other guys?

i inspired you to write again,
you told me yesterday,
would it please you to be told
that your debt’s been duly paid!

when you smoke one on another
why it hurts, can't you guess?
'cos i fear you'll be amongst us
for maybe a few moments less!

you make me feel alive
ah! the feelings you arouse...
and the flame you light within me,
i find difficult to douse!

when together, i keep praying
that the evening wouldn't end,
when you leave, how i miss you.
oh, on you, i much depend.

i do take you for granted,
when depressed, its you I call,
why, you're more than just a good friend,
and a guide, and that's not all...

well, there must be somethin' to this
but you wanna give it a name,
how i wish you'd just accept it
'cos i know its still the same!

let me tell you since you must
hear those three li'l words from me,
what i feel for you, my darling
cannot fit in words just three!

then ask me why

when your whole life
lays crumpled
at your feet,

and everyone is busy
trampling over it,

then ask me why.

when
even your wish to die
is not fulfilled,

then ask me why.

WHAT HAPPENED

what happened to the cynic?
love chased him away!

what happened to the skeptic?
he woke up!

what happened to the mind?
heart overruled it!

you n me n us

wouldn't it be fun
to bask in the sun,

to go for a walk
and a real long talk,

then rest for a while
give each other a smile,

sit on the sand
holding your hand,

reach out to you
say something new,

drench in the rain
wipe out the pain,

to go for a date
and leave all to fate,

beginning to dream
at the edge of a stream,

my head in your lap
for a hurried little nap,

your hand in my hair
and the smell of air,

reaching out to us
then getting in a bus,

to go somewhere far
maybe a quaint bar,

and a close, quiet meal
perhaps strike a deal,

be true to one another
forever love each other,

wearing frills and laces
visiting different places,

me buying you a shirt
and calling you a flirt!

you pretending t’be annoyed
but actually overjoyed!

all the girls fall for you
what can poor you do?

* * *

oh, wouldn't it be fun,
if you n I were one,

no more making calls
or saying things false,

forever being together
through thick n thin weather,

always within reach
makin' out on the beach,

soaking in the rain
absolutely insane,

sitting by the river
moon just a sliver,

one dark, lovely night
with everything just right,

then going for a drive
ah! feelin' so alive,

read poetry to you,
another point of view…

or listening to music
experiencing magic,

your lips touching mine
and a kiss so fine,

scaling dizzy heights
scintillating lights,

with passions soaring high
consummation seeming nigh,

and yet denying nature
stopping moments later,

to consider if its right,
thus ensuing a moral fight...

the struggle seems endless
oh! how long the aloneness,

are the questions not quite right
why are answers never in sight,

is there really no other land
beyond the fabled fantasyland?

LEGAL MATE

i often wonder
what attracted me to you?
could there ever have been a bond between us?
someone
who turns away from my tears
and sleeps quite oblivious
(while i am awake
and aching)
could he really care
as much as you profess?

why do words seem so hollow?
why can't i
believe in them any more?

IDENTITY CRISIS

which me am i?

the child
the poet
or the sentimental fool,

the level-headed adult
or a bundle of confusion ?

reality
and
illusion
are
weaving
a
web,

what seems

is not…

the facades created
by imagination perhaps
to fulfil the needs

of wishful thinking?

CONDEMNED TO LOVE

i care
i share
(the closeness)

i reach out
(and sometimes,
find you are there)

i feel
i say
i love

(who cares?)

ADIEU

do i really believe
that time
or distance
can weaken
this bond
between us...

a bond,
created,
not by you
or me
but by existence itself.

why then am i sad,
at this
mere
physical
parting?

aren't minds
supposed

to transcend space
and silently communicate
in several different dimensions?

i only wish

i could've learnt how...

a little before you left.

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME...

why don't you let me feel
the pleasure
and the pain
of knowing you...

doing little things,
that mean
so much to you...

without calling it love
or by any other name
after all,

isn't it just the same ?